point that shit upward or nowhere. never inward. never laterally. never downward.
embrace the part of you that runs from others. it needs love. you need it, just a little bit.
when it does, make up for it. reach out to someone. give something to someone in need. maybe someone else. maybe you. you are the only person who can give you happiness.
so is kindness. so is hate. feed them wisely. neglect none of them. each will run rampant if left to its own devices. each will gore you if shepherded too closely.
own yourself so you can change. nothing out of your possession will ever change: it is inert. never be inert.
for the love of all that is wretched and awful be kind. if you must be hateful, be kind about it. if you must hurt others, do it out of kindness. if you must live, do it to be kind.
no kindness is purely internal. no kindness is purely external. to love your neighbour is to love yourself. to love yourself is to the better the world.
false kindness lies in self-denial. niceness given as flagellation is worse than useless. better you burn alone than warm others with tainted fire. their flesh will bubble with your hatred.
if you are to hate yourself, do it fully, do it openly, but do not dwell on it. hate yourself passionately so that you may love yourself in earnest.
own your agony and your anguish. it is your guide. never suppress it. never wield it against your lover. feel it fully. burn with the heat of a thousand suns and then keep. fucking. loving. yourself.
love yourself actively. learn what it is to love yourself and enact it every day. in the positive and in the negative. forgive your missteps. own your failings, and learn from them.