this one isn't a flowery metaphor. i did think about it. but im not that far gone yet. this is aimed at non-cooks. so i'll spell things out that you might already know, just to be sure.
you will need:
you might want:
i recommend buying a rice cooker (second-hand, quality) if you eat rice regularly.
these are entirely optional. you can make this with just chickpeas and spices. i do all the time. the onion is for flavour and the rice is for substance.
rice and chickpeas form a whole protein. but chickpeas are great for you on their own.
if you're cooking rice, start that early. half a cup is more than enough per serve. it'll take longer than the chickpeas. how much longer comes down to your cooking method.
slice the red onion roughly - large chunks fry better and add variety. get the sticky layer of skin off after you've removed the ends, its much easier.
drain and rinse the cans of chickpeas. rinse them by filling the can with water and shaking a bit, then pouring out. repeat a couple times. you don't want the juices in this. doesn't fry well.
you can save the juice (called agua faba) to use as a replacement for eggs in baking, but don't feel bad about tossing it.
add the onion to a medium-to-large pan on low heat. don't add oil just yet. wait for the flesh to become slightly translucent. this is called "sweating" an onion. tastes better this way.
add a healthy glug of oil. don't worry about volume too much. enough to cover the bottom of the pan once the oil has heated up. not before. stir the onions through.
as a rule: you can always add more ingredients, so if you're unsure, start with less.
add the chickpeas. stir to cover them in oil.
here's where it gets a little freeform: add spices to your taste. i hate this instruction in cooking but it's relevant here. if you're not familiar with what flavours you like, the ones i suggested in the ingredients section make a nice, slightly spicy combo.
add a little of each spice, taste, and adjust. this will be a learning process the first few times you try this, but it'll help you learn how to balance a flavour to your preferences.
once you have the taste down, cook it for a few minutes, until you like the texture.
put it all in a bowl. or don't. can eat from the pan if you need, just don't burn yourself.
that's it. take care of yourself. try to eat plants more often.